I was a shy child. Even as a teenager and young adult I didn't like talking to people unless I had to. I would walk briskly down the street, with a sour look on my face to discourage anyone from striking up a conversation. I dreaded spending time in public with my mother, as she would inevitably find something to talk about with whoever happened to be around, and I found this embarrassing.
It's interesting for me to realize that this is no longer the case. I enjoy talking to other people, and I try daily to keep myself open to conversations. You never know who you will end up meeting or how you can affect each other. I kept this thought in mind as I was approached by a man in the park a few days ago. I had been there for a few hours, napping and reading. He came up to me and struck up a conversation, about the books we were both reading (I'm currently 1/4 through 'Anatomy of the Spirit' by Caroline Myss, Ph.D.). Instead of politely telling him to go away, or leaving myself, I thought 'well this is an opportunity to get out of my comfort zone. Let's see what happens.' For the next two hours or so, I heard all about his life story, his family, his careers, his ex girlfriends, and his struggle with drugs and realizing his spiritual potential. He was clearly high, and admitted to it at several points. I was a wary, but also curious. I know that when people are high they are unpredictable, so it was important for me to stay calm, and to be alert. I always had my phone handy, and there were always other people close by.
This experience taught me that you can literally connect with anyone, any time, any place. You just have to take the time to listen, to be available. That being said, should you connect with anyone who comes along? I don't know how else to explain it, but this man transferred his troubled energy to me, and for the rest of the day I felt extremely unsettled. He hadn't followed me home, he didn't even know my last name, he didn't share any earth-shattering revelations with me, and yet I was profoundly affected. I assume that this is because I opened myself up on a higher level of consciousness, beyond the interaction you usually have with a stranger to the interaction you would have with a friend. And because of this, I received fragments of his stress, his sadness, his energy. That night I was exhausted, and the next day I spent some quiet time focusing on peace, balance and love.
This experience lines up so completely with what I've been thinking and learning about lately, which is basically the concept that thoughts and emotions can directly affect our physical bodies and our perception of the world around us. For so long I was not interested in feeling and embracing my emotions, because I have had painful experiences in the past (hasn't everyone?) and I thought that life would be easier if I was shut off from other people. I am realizing now how much this goes against everything that makes me a woman, everything that makes me a human. We were meant to feel, to connect, to share our experiences and emotions with other people. Not just a few select people who we have come to know after years and years, but sometimes people we have only just met.
However, not everyone we meet will be a positive connection. Some people are not in control of themselves and will give you a bad feeling; do you notice how one impatient, grumbling person in a line can make the people around them impatient? Suddenly everyone has better things to do than wait in line, even though there will always be times in our lives where we must wait. Others are so much in control that they will seek to control you through every interaction you have, such as a bully in the school yard, or a micro-managing boss.
To use an old saying, I must guard my heart. I will often get an immediate feeling about people I meet, trust or caution, like or dislike. I've told myself to lighten up, not to judge people before I know them. Yet almost every time (if not every time) my very first impressions have proven to be true. I'm not saying I will ignore people, or be unkind to people. But I am learning to be much more cautious of who I open up to. If you spend all your time around young families with children, you will want a family and kids. If you spend all your time around people motivated by material success, you will want material success. And so on. I do not strive to be an elitist of any kind, but I am making an effort to be selective, because the people I surround myself with will influence my reality.
This is a time in my life where I am very aware of my social and spiritual environment. I know that things I talk about now will make some people shake their heads. I know that I will interact with people that I used to know and they will wonder what happened to me. The best way I can explain it is that I am seeing things in a different way, in a way that tells me everything is connected. My environment affects my emotions, which affects my body, which affects my actions, which affects my environment. It is therefore up to me to make sure that I am consciously participating in my life, that I am choosing to think positive, loving thoughts, while making sustainable choices and creating healthy connections and relationships. And as I learn about these things, the most surprising thing to me is that I haven't realized them before. And now that I know, I must act.
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