Peter Pan Brain

I close my eyes and imagine you, the feel of your skin, the smell of your hair. How it feels to sit with you, to look in your eyes and feel that time has been suspended, that this moment is completely ours.

Sunlight streams in through the window, worming it's way through my eyelids. I'm laying in bed, staring at the white wall in front of me. I don't want to check the clock and it takes me more than a few minutes to remember what day it is. I want to sleep, to dream. To wake up in a different place; a different time. 

I'm told this is a normal reaction. Other people who've been away travelling, most for much longer than I was, say it takes a while to 'adjust' once you're back. As soon as I get up I feel better, shaking off the dreary thoughts of half-conciousness. I'm eating healthier, and despite the fact that I haven't gone for a run since I was in Manitoba, I feel like I've lost some travel weight. Mind you, I use eating healthier as a loose term, as in the past two weeks I've managed to put away deep fried mac n' cheese fingers, a glorious tubby dog, pulled pork poutine and maple bacon KD. All the foods I loved and missed have returned to my belly, and while they are delicious they are not as satisfying as I anticipated. 

In fact, all the things I missed so much are like 'meh. Cool.' It's great to catch up with my friends, but they have all gone on with their lives in my absence (!!!!!) and I have to make an effort to be included in things again. Which is also normal. The short and the short is I'm being a sucky baby. I know what I need to do, what I want to do with my life. It's just the doing it that is proving to be a bit more daunting than I had planned. And why is that? Am I missing an enzyme or vitamin in my diet? Am I just being lazy? Am I afraid to fail? Probably some sort of combination of the three. 

Well it's up to me to pull up my socks. No one else is going to do it for me. Willing time to go backwards is proving to not be an effective use of my energy, and really I don't want to click my heels and magically be transported back to Aus. There is a time and place for everything, and right now my time and place are here. What that entails, exactly, I'm not sure. But as painful as it is it's time for Wendy to leave the nursery. 

Clearly I have been spending too much time alone. 

Some fun news is that I've managed to get away with not shaving my armpits in over a week. They are getting pretty terrifying if I do say so myself. And I can get a tiny pony tail of hair to sit on the top of my head, if I wanted to go for a sort of unicorn-chic thing some time. And there you have it, hair grows, time goes on, bugs bite me, memories fade, new relationships are formed, life happens. I choose to appreciate whatever circumstance I am in, and I'm excited for whatever happens next.