Brittany VS. Frittany

First off, I am alive and well. Shame shame on me for not writing for so long. I have no excuse, other than I have been busy with work and other mundane things and have been feeling creatively 'dry'. But no more! Today is a new day and it will be full of my senseless ramblings, just for you.

Let me preface today's story by filling you in on something that happened a few weekends ago. I got drunk. Not just 'Frittered' drunk, but 'blacking-out-by-10pm-I-have-a-drinking-problem' drunk. I won't go into details, because it's embarrassing, but suffice it so say, my train was severely derailed. So after this night I vowed to get my drinking under control and smarten up. I may have mentioned before, but I party with basically an on or off switch. I'm either crazy Frittany or relatively normal Brittany. I'm not usually able to find a middle ground. But, since mine is the hand that mixes the drinks, I felt confident I could behave.

So this past Friday I went out for my good friend Kiran's birthday. We went to karaoke, and it was a lot of fun. I had a pleasant buzz going and was feeling good. I even sang 'Material Girl' mostly in the right key. However, comments that kept coming up, from people I just met that night and from friends, was "I heard you were so crazy. Be crazy!" "Have a shot or something!" "Where's Frittany?" or something along those lines.

Needless to say, it was a little upsetting. First of all, I believe I am a fun person. I don't have to be drunk to be hilarious and silly. Secondly, I resent the idea that when I am out with friends (or strangers for that matter) I have to 'perform' or behave in a certain way. I don't go out to entertain people, that is a trap I fell into not too long ago and it didn't go well. However, because of this resentment I felt, along with the fact that my buzz was fading, the cold weather, and my 6AM start that morning, I fell into a rather bitchy-Brittany mood. We went to another bar to dance, but it was so packed with sardines/people that I left almost immediately, and went to drown my sorrows in moral arguments and a milkshake. By that time I was in full on 'don't-look-at-me-or-I-will-kick-you-in-the-face' mode. And that wasn't much fun either.

So what to do, what to do. Do I give up drinking entirely? Do I stop going out on Friday nights? Do I refuse to ever leave my house and make life-size cut outs of the characters from The L Word to keep me company when my roomies are out? These are the questions that keep me up at night. (Not really, I slept for 11 hours on Saturday night/Sunday morning).

Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm stressed. Maybe I'm undersexed (this is a definite, actually). Every so often I'm hit with the reality that I am 24 years old and should probably be acting like a more productive adult. So I do my best. I volunteered with Movember Calgary, I have been putting effort into this writing gig for ModernSocialite, I have pulled my socks up at work and been much more organized. But still I feel I want to get away from everything, I want to stop wearing makeup and go off in to the woods for a while. This kind of thinking isn't practical right now, however, so I will endeavor to do the following:
1. Meditate more (daily if possible)
2. Read more (to die on the couch watching Netflix would be quite depressing)
3. Spend quality time with friends (quality does not = substance abuse)
4. Spend quality time with myself (I went for a bike ride then baked some cookies last night, so that was a good start)

Maybe Brittany and Frittany can start to reconcile. I know it would make my liver very happy.