Pancakes for One

I woke up last windy Sunday morning quite looking forward to my day. A nice long shower, a seaweed face mask, painting my nails, etc. And as I was pondering what to make for breakfast, I realized I wanted pancakes. Suddenly, panic set in! What to do with all of them? - after all, there's only one mouth to feed. Thankfully I was able to use simple math (!) to cut the recipe in half and I started preparation.

Over a year ago now I boldly titled one full page of my diary with 'The Simple Joys of Being Single'. On it were things such as grocery shopping for one (cheaper and I can buy a treat for myself without any questioning), wearing lingerie because I like it (boys and girls do not always find the same things appealing) and...well that was pretty much it sadly. I have gone back to add a few things here and there, but I think that list still sits at a dismal 5 lines, the rest of the page blank.

Truthfully, for most of my young adult life I have been afraid to be alone. I like to be looked after, I like following rules, I especially like physical touch (big cuddler right here). I don't like saying goodbye.
I've examined this part of myself a lot in recent months, and I'm not very happy with my conclusions. It seems my sense of self has been eclipsed at some point by my sense of myself-as-a-girlfriend. And how on earth will I find someone who truly compliments me, who brings out the best parts of me, who challenges and supports me...if I don't know me?

I was watching an incredibly bad movie on the weekend, I won't even say the name because it really was just awful, but one of the lines stuck with me "a woman has the exact love life that she wants". I pondered this and, for the most part, I think it's true. So for right now what I want, what I'm focusing on, is my love life with myself. (Yes, it's cliche. I'm a girl what do you expect?)

As scary and uncomfortable as it is to be alone at times, I realized that morning - as I enjoyed my pancakes - that I am content. I'm pleased with myself for being strong enough to admit I don't really like being alone, but I'm learning to like it. And I had a wonderful day!