Small-Town Me (?)

Community - a: unified body of individuals b: the people with common interests living in a particular area. It’s a word I grew up despising, especially when ‘rural’ was put in front of it. Growing up in a town so small it wasn’t even classified as a town, I always felt somewhat oppressed. I didn’t fit in, and I often felt misunderstood. I wanted to escape. So when I graduated at age 17 I packed my bags and headed to the infinitely larger Winnipeg.

I was quite the snobby bitch in those days, looking down my nose at my former classmates who chose to stay in ‘the country’. The reality was that I had relocated within a 2 hour drive of my family farm, and that my Dad regularly stopped in to my questionable apartment to drop off Costco-sized packs of toilet paper or Kraft Dinner. I was close enough to attend family weddings, funerals, and community events whenever one would come up. Most of the time I chose not to, and until recently, this never really bothered me.

Earlier this week I went to a bridal shower for my friend, held in a small town outside of Calgary. We were all keeping an open mind as to what we would find there, as it was her fiancé’s community who was hosting, and we were the outsiders. To my surprise, it was absolutely delightful. The care and concern that went into every step, from the organized games to the sugar-rimmed champagne flutes (which held an innocent fruit punch) filled me with warmth...as well as a hint of jealousy.

I honestly never expected to miss my small-town days, but there I was. Life surprises you, especially as you get older. I know I chose to move away, I wasn’t ostracized or cast out by any means. If I felt left out when I was younger, it’s most likely that I chose to feel that way. I have a tendency to take things too personally, and it’s probable that started early on in my life.

So what do I do now? I can’t go back home, I wouldn’t really want to anyway. Everything is different. People get older, things change. I read recently in The Social Animal by David Brooks that a loss of community, of social support, is what’s truly at the core of the presently bleak economy. Humans don’t just need a job, the need a fulfilling position within a positive environment. We don’t just need partners or children, we need a social web with meaningful and diverse connections. But how to go about that? It seems that the art of community is gradually being lost, especially in large cities.

I suppose I will have to make my own community, and it’s a bit of a challenge. I’m realizing I’ve made myself into somewhat of a drifter, coasting between different social and cultural groups.  Sometimes I feel tempted to return to the church, if only for that sense of support and fellowship. But my ideals and core beliefs have changed a bit too much for that. Instead I’ve done my best to find people who I enjoy, people who I value, people I connect with. They might not give me homemade pot holders and I might not see them every week, but they are my version of a community. And for that, I am overwhelmingly grateful.