Angry...or Hangry?

So I went out for a couple drinks with some co-workers this week. I told myself I would only stay out for one or two, but four hours later I was at a local pub yelling about racial discrimination. At one point someone I've worked with for over a year said to me "wow, Brittany I have never seen you like this. It's great to hear your opinions and your viewpoints. Why don't you talk about this stuff more?" To which I responded, "they don't want to hear my opinions at work, they want me to be pretty and answer the phone. Get with the program." A heated debate ensued, that I only half remember.

I've come to realize two things about myself over the past few months, as I have cut down on my drinking/Frittany appearances. 1) It doesn't really matter how much I drink, 4 glasses of wine or 7 shots of tequila, I will have black-out patches. 2) I am angry.

But what am I angry about? The thing is, I can't really put my finger on one source of my shouting and ranting and glassy eyed glares. We could safely say that I'm satisfied and pleased with my approach to life at the moment; in a general sense I am very happy. Upon closer inspection there are things that get my blood boiling. Things such as: women's rights, racism, US politics, materialism, people who don't recycle, our growing dependency on technology, our increasing inability to form a real meaningful connection with other humans...etc. On a more personal note, I'm angry about how I've been treated at certain times in my life, things that have happened to me and worse - things that I have allowed to happen to me. Moments when I didn't stand up for myself, moments when I didn't share my opinions or tell the truth. Moments when I wasn't angry.

So I suppose I'm pretty angry about a lot of things. Don't let that scare you though. Sitting here right now, sober as a youth pastor, I'm not overly concerned about anything. I'm just typing away and eating a grapefruit. So the possibility has crossed my mind that maybe I'm just hangry (hungry + angry) when I have these outbursts. (I did some research, it's a real thing.)

However, I know that the short burst of nostrils-flared rage I get right before lunch time when I realize my blue pen isn't on my desk is very different than the deep, smoldering indignation I feel when a stranger out at the bar grabs my ass as I'm walking by. Yet if I turn around and knee the offender in the groin, somehow I am totally insane. I realize that it's not cool to be angry, especially as a woman. People jump to the conclusion that you're PMS-ing, you're sexually frustrated, or maybe just having a bad hair day. I know that all of these things can lead to irrational behavior, but I don't think that having sex with someone will make me feel better about the fact that friends of mine can't get in to certain establishments because of their skin color - though bouncers or owners would swear on their life that it's a dress code issue.

I think that we, as a generation of people living in a liberal community, are simply not angry enough. I absolutely do not agree with the recent Muslim attacks on US Consulates, but think of this - when was the last time you felt so strongly and passionately about something that you actually did something about it? I'm not saying start fires or set off bombs, that is not the solution here. What I'm saying is, we no longer know how to properly feel anger or express it. It seems we are either so angry that we are irrational, or we convince ourselves that 'this is just the way it is and I'll have to accept it, no use getting all riled up about it' and essentially that means we roll over and give up.

I think I'm trying to find a medium with my anger. I don't want to inflict pain or suffering on anyone, I just want people to start thinking. Start feeling! There are plenty of things to be angry about going on today. Maybe more people should be shouting about them instead of pretending they're not happening. Get riled up, have a discussion, who cares if the people around you think you're nuts. But make sure you have a full stomach before tearing into an issue, just to be safe. I'm also working on expressing myself more when I'm not drinking, when surely my arguments will make more sense, or at the least I'll remember what I've said.