Love Potion

I've been reading a book called 'The Female Brain' by Dr. Louann Brizendine and I feel the need to share some info here, because it's fascinating and it explains a lot about why I feel the way I feel (well, women in general). So next time I'm upset/sad/moody about matters of the heart and am saying "I don't know what's wrong with meeee!!!" while crying and eating a carton of Ben & Jerrys, you can say "refer to your own blog, you sappy idiot". Well, hopefully you'd be a bit nicer than that.

Anyway, when you are, ah, shall we say 'intimate' with someone, your brain releases large amounts of oxytocin, which makes you feel happy, content, euphoric, etc. and helps you to bond and have strong feelings for the person you're with (this is true for both men and women, though usually women release more oxytocin, making us more emotional - surprise!). That's probably what started the whole 'don't spend the night' thing for one-night stands. It's not the actual act of sex that [chemically] bonds you to someone, but the hormones that are released afterwards, who have their own little party while you cuddle up to your partner.

Think about it...have you ever been with someone who you don't particularly care for, but they're really attractive, great sexual chemistry, etc? As you continue to hook up, you find yourself 'falling for him/her' but you don't know why, it doesn't really make sense. It must be love! Wrong. It is just your body getting used to those happy hormones, becoming somewhat dependent on them.

Thus, when you actually do like someone, and you add in these boosts of brain/body bonding, it's easy to see how quickly feelings can develop. And how much it absolutely sucks when you say goodbye. It's generally more painful for girls, as we are more sensitive to the hormone changes in our bodies. The withdrawal reaction from no more oxytocin can actually cause physical discomfort/pain (explains the two weeks you couldn't eat because of nausea after a bad breakup). This also explains why the newly single folk are so eager for rebound-sex, their bodies are craving that neuro-chemical high.

Of course it's not all about sex. Being physically close to someone, skin to skin touching, maintaining eye contact, hugging for longer than 10 seconds. All of these things promote bonding. Unless you're stuck on a crowded C-train during the first snowfall. Then all of those things are really irritating. Then again, you are surrounded by cranky strangers in that scenario (which probably doesn't turn you on. Probably.)

I used to get upset when people would say 'love is just a chemical reaction' and you can get the same feelings from eating a lot of chocolate. First of all, that better be damn good chocolate. Second of all, no the thought of love as an emotional response to a physical action isn't very romantic. But that doesn't mean it isn't true, to some extent.

When I was engaged, many many moons ago, what I heard often from the older generation was that 'love is a choice'. I didn't really understand that, I thought they were saying a 'you've made your love bed and now you have to sleep in it' kind of thing. That kind of thinking leads to people staying in unfulfilling or unhealthy relationships. When I think of love as a choice now, I realize that you can have "in love" feelings with pretty much anyone, because yes it is basically just a chemical reaction. But when you find someone special, someone who can drive you crazy, someone who can make you a better person, someone you get used to and those "in love" feelings fade...real love is choosing to forge and maintain a bond beyond the ups and downs of hormones, because you want to, because they are worth it to you.

I'm not saying there's a right or a wrong way to go about a love connection. It's just a good idea to know what you're really getting into when you get in to bed. Class dismissed. Haha, just kidding I could never be a teacher, I would end up in jail. But you should think about reading that book, as it's much more informative (though less hilarious) than my regurgitated ramblings.