Private Parts

Don't you love how I keep giving my posts suggestive titles, but they actually rarely contain the kind of things you're hoping for? Well what do you expect, soft-core erotica? Aren't my inner thoughts and snappy comments enough for you!?!

So let's get down to brass tacks here. Something that's been on my mind lately is The Ghost of Relationships Past, ie. the internet. What must it have been like forty years ago when you broke up with someone and that was it. Done. Finito. Period (not the menstrual kind). All you had to do was ignore them, or give them sad puppy eyes, depending on the situation, whenever you ran into them in public. I'm sure there must have been the occasional stalker, but what could your ex really do? Call your house phone a bunch of times breathing heavily?

Today, as everyone knows, it's a different story. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. etc. etc. are all too happy to keep you and your no-longer-significant-other involved on an electronic level. With a few strokes on your keyboard you can find out who he's with, where he is, and - in most cases - what he's been eating.

This is one of the reasons I avoid excessive posts about my current love life. If and when things fall apart, it's so time consuming to go back and delete every single cutesy comment and un-tag every picture. After one breakup (in which he suggested we 'hug it out' as I tried to choke back my tears), I received an angry text just hours later "did u srsly delete me from facebook??" Umm yeah. I did. Fuck off. I mean, why are people surprised? Facebook is supposedly to keep in touch with your friends, ie. people that you know and like. I'm currently on good terms with most of my exes, but that doesn't mean we're besties and it certainly doesn't mean there wasn't a time when I wouldn't have laughed if he fell down or got hit by a car or attacked by a horse or something. Haha, just kidding...probably...

Anyway. I just started wondering about how all this documentation via social media is affecting our relationships. Being reminded constantly that yesterday you were connected and today you are not. It doesn't even have to be recent. There is always the looming possibility that texts and pictures sent when love was in bloom can be regurgitated as blackmail material, if you have a particularly crazy and meddling ex. How hard is it to trust someone in the first place, let alone when you have all this cyberspace baggage to deal with?

When I first became involved with a particular man (who shall remain nameless, and who I am very fond of) I was almost offended by his lack of personal presence on the interweb. 'How will people know that we're together??? That he is mine!?' I thought frantically. After a few discussions and some ups and downs, I've realized how much I appreciate that quality, which is really more of a lifestyle choice in this day and age. It means I have to actively trust him, and put my faith in the validity of our words to each other as opposed to our words that everyone else can see. I think we can look to politicians as a shining example that your publicly spoken and written words really don't mean shiz. Of course, actions speak louder than words. But don't actions in real life speak louder than the actions of tweeting?

I think it's obvious by this point that I believe relationships should be private. By all means, share good news, be happy for your friends and loved ones, support those who are hurting. But do we need a constant play by play of someone else's relationship? Do we need to prove to everyone how absolutely overjoyed - or how completely unhappy - we are with our partner? Perhaps we just have to prove it to ourselves. And when a relationship ends, as they often do, for the love of our lord's pajamas, there's an 'unfriend' button for a reason.